Musings on Everything

I muse, therefore I write.

On Time Travel


Hey, guys, quick question: If you had a time machine, what would you do with it?

I mean, would you go back and prevent your parents from meeting each other?

Would you try to change the world, maybe kill Hitler?

Or would you goof off, be in two places at once, literally fuck things up royally on purpose for your own amusement?

Personally, I would do something far more interesting. Like perhaps take a full HD camera crew, sound mixers, a self-contained production studio in a trailer park with generators, basically, go back in time and film everything. At least everything important. The guy who invented the wheel inventing the wheel. The first human in Africa. (Do you know how many arguments that would resolve? I mean, the entire science of anthropology would go kaboom because we’d answer al the questions they’d been trying to find answers for. And then captured those answers. On film. Digital HD film, which is the best kind.) Shakespeare’s first performance in the Globe theater. The coronation of Louis XIV. All of WWI and WWII. (In HD? You know you’d watch that.) What else? Steve Jobs and Woz building the first Mac, in their garage. The Battle of Hastings. Vietnam. Genghis Khan taking over most of Asia and then getting his ass kicked by Mulan. Ancient Egypt. The rise of Rome (that would be a History channel special in an instant). Perhaps a documentary on the dodo with real footage of the dodos. George Washington crossing the Delaware. There is just so much interesting stuff out there in the annals of history.

Think about it! The ability to see, for yourself, in true-to-form glorious HD, just how short the Sun King was, and why, exactly, he needed to build Versailles to compensate for it. We could plant cameras in the Apollo 13 command module and watch that epic tale unfold.

I, personally, think that would be the most awesome use of time travel technology in the history of ever. Imagine… hundreds of thousands of hours of footage of real-live historical events! No more arguments amongst conspiracy nutjobs as to whether there was a second gunman involved in JFK’s assassination! No more heated debates around whether George Washington had wooden teeth! No more having to read textbooks that try to provide half-assed “alternate versions” of events just so that they won’t get sued for brainwashing! There’d only be one version of history!

Ah, what a wonderful future.



Oh, and for those of you who say (or even thought for a a second) that we should be going forward and getting stock numbers: don’t be stupid. That’s still insider trading, as you still have insider information. It’s just from the future. *shakes head* Idiots.


Written by Sri

April 14, 2009 at 6:43 PM

One Response

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  1. Leave history in the past, where it belongs. You sound very idealistic that seeing all these things will really make it more vivid. Honestly, it would probably just show how boring life really was.

    Also, what the heck do you mean by the “first human in Africa”? Failure to understand evolution?


    April 14, 2009 at 10:16 PM

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